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Scenario 1: Crisis If the issue is a crisis that requires a response, I will apologize, explain the situation briefly, and respond with a text or phone call.

From that point on, please treat it as an unexpected emergency. But if you’re avoiding the confrontation because “his kids need him all the time,” that might be the issue right there. When used in relationship, the “excuse” is often used to recover from a miss of some sort. The kids got home and all hell broke loose.” That might be okay, if your call was just a “nighty night” check-in, but if you were scheduled to talk about living arrangements, that might be an example of using the kids as an excuse for not taking responsibility.

But if you are considering him as possible life-partner, it’s good to know what you’re getting into, so you can decide, very consciously, whether you want to wade into deeper levels of commitment with him.

Here are some questions to consider: Did he leave Was there infidelity? It’s good to know why they decided to split up and how the split went.

I don’t think I will always do this, and there are certain moments when the phone definitely needs to be turned off, but while my kids are still pre-college, I’m at least going to make sure there is no emergency. But then there are my boundaries with both my kids and my ex that I have to enforce as well. But when the text dings and it is, in fact, one of my kids … Let’s take this from the perspective of a first date, rather than a developing relationship.

In a first date you are trying to make an impression.

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Sometimes there are amicable divorces; sometimes there are epic divorces that last years and years with lots of “collateral damage.” But if you’re dating recreationally and not considering him as a long-term partner, then these questions might not matter as much, since you’re not concerned with long-term compatibility.If you’ve been dating for a while and are looking to continue seeing each other, especially if you are dating with the intention of looking for a life partner, it’s not unreasonable to ask about the circumstances of his divorce.If, for example, his ex-wife is bitter about the divorce, it’s good to know that going into your relationship, because it will likely affect her feelings about you (if she knows about you) and (worst-case) how she treats her ex-husband and the kids.Dealings with his friends, your friends, his parents as well as yours are par for the course for any new couple.But throw children, ex-in-laws, and assorted ex-relatives into the mix and you're playing in a whole new ballgame, one for which you may not be prepared.There are plenty of single parents who use their kids to get out of almost every obligation. exercise, dating, taking responsibility for their own actions.